Grace & Courtesy
“The things he sees are not just remembered; they form a part of his soul.”
0-3 years old
Toddlers are very empathetic. They become concerned when hearing a baby cry and are quick to offer help and sympathy if someone is hurt or seems sad. They have a natural propensity to serve others. They can identify these emotions within themselves and are able to show an awareness of and compassion for others through this empathy. Early lessons of grace and courtesy develop positive interpersonal skills that will serve children throughout their lives. Demonstrations of Practical Life activities involving Grace and Courtesy, as well as modeling this behavior, are designed to nurture a child’s natural qualities of Grace and Courtesy, and his inherent desire to contribute to the peaceful order of his environment. Using clear language and modeling, Montessori teachers present these lessons to provide structure so the child can know her place, not only in the Montessori environment, but in the world at large.
3- 6 years old
Children between the ages of 3-6 are fascinated by social relations. Owing to the nature of their absorbent minds, they are absorbing the language and movements of the people around them. This includes the language and movements of the social interactions between people. They are adapting to their own cultures; they are taking in the customs and practices and beliefs of the population they live in. We engage the children in little vignettes or role play scenarios that we perform and that they can replicate, and they can practice them with each other.
The technique that we use for introducing social relations in a Montessori setting is called the lessons in grace and courtesy. Grace refers to the individual and our way of moving and using energy efficiently. It refers to how we carry ourselves as an individual. Grace is the harmony between our mind and our body. We support the child’s developing physical grace as well as his social grace.
Courtesy refers to our way of interacting and the efficient use of energy in our relationship to others. Courtesy is the harmony between oneself and others. Grace is a part of courtesy. Sometimes being courteous involves a direct interaction with another person. And sometimes it reflects a behavior, it takes the other persons wellbeing into consideration without a direct interaction. Courtesy includes showing interest and showing respect for oneself and the other person.
To better understand the relationship between grace and courtesy, think about this example: an individual can carefully carry a chair through an empty room and could be considered graceful. To carry the chair carefully through a crowded room full of other people and furnishings and to be able to do that without disturbing others, that would be considered courteous. When we are trying to be courteous it adds a little extra stimulus for us to be graceful.
6-12 Years old
This work begins in the casa where it is introduced to empower first plane children to adapt to their society and to increase their level of independence. In the elementary, this process continues as new levels of independence are reached, (or as they are being acquired). A new set of Grace and Courtesy conventions are required. Not all events/ situations demand Grace and Courtesy presentations. Some may just require a short conversation or counseling session with a child or children. Others may be left alone for the community to modify. When the teachers in the room feels it is appropriate to have a Grace and Courtesy lesson, when they are presented, they differ. The children see both the appropriate and inappropriate way to respond. This also gives the children an opportunity for expression, drama, and to see a reflection of behavior when it is outside of themselves.
What is appropriate for a grace and courtesy lesson?
Anything that will help a child to be a master of his own actions in his daily life would be appropriate.
Depending on the age of the child, would determine the lessons for the classroom. The guide will observe the classroom and their interactions with each other. When she sees there is somewhat of a conflict in either grace or courtesy, she will create an exercise to provide the tools (language, body movement and reaction) for the children to practice.
Examples in each age group:
Nido:
How to sit at a table.
How to drink from a glass.
How to dress / undress.
How to greet someone.
How to use our hands.
How to use materials.
How to wait your turn.
How to use silverware/ drink from a glass.
Toddler:
How to ask for help.
How to wait for playground equipment. (swings, bikes, jump ropes)
How to carry a tray.
How to sit in a chair.
How to use silverware/ drink from a glass.
How to dress/ undress.
How to use appropriate language to express wants/needs.
How to roll/ unroll a rug.
How to move about an environment in a careful/ respectful manner.
Primary:
How to walk around another person’s work.
How to ask to be left alone.
What to do when someone calls you a baby.
How to ask for help.
What to do when something falls off a table.
How to ask another person to move.
Elementary:
Grace and Courtesy as a winner/loser.
Grace and Courtesy at a Public Performance.
Grace and Courtesy When Working as Part of a Team.
Grace and Courtesy lessons are not ones that happen once a year. They are done all day, every day and in repetition. The child needs to see / hear something 1000 times to commit it to memory. We ALL must practice Grace and Courtesy even into adult hood. As we interact and react with our society, we need to investigate ourselves and check our reactions and interactions with how we are functioning.
Grace and Courtesy lessons can be done at home.
Just as a teacher does in the classroom, a parent does at home. Take some time to observe your family dynamic and home environment. What desired behaviors would you like to see in your child/ family at home? For the older children (5-12), involve them in the conversation, ask your children what they think can be improved. This can happen as a family meeting, during dinner etc. In the Elementary classroom weekly community meetings are held. If a child would like to bring something to the classrooms attention or suggest a change, they write it on the agenda and are able to address the class with these ideas, thoughts, suggestions and feelings.
How it is done.
It takes a practiced effort from the adult. We must always model the behavior, the language, and the desired outcome. If we expect children to put their belongings away, we must put ours away. If we want the children to respond with kindness, we must respond with kindness. We are the tools for the children, and they will use us as their resources for how to interact with society and practice self-respect.
We must remember that grace and courtesy is not just verbiage working through a conflict but is also a demonstration on how to complete a task. We must model behavior to the children, telling them is not effective; certain tasks are second nature to us and not them. Possible opportunities for a Grace and Courtesy presentation that may emerge from the Guide’s observation of children. Grace and courtesy is how we ask for things and thank each other. Grace and Courtesy is also a process of adaptation. We continue to work on establishing an attitude to promote peace in ourselves and in the world. As we continue looking at ourselves, it is of great importance. To transform yourself and to be aware of how we do things such as, being mindful of our gentleness. being attentive in the way we live with respect to the people in the environment you are in, Collaboration with all relationships, Speak with the language of kindness and love. Be understandable to disturbing behavior.
These lessons include, but are not limited to:
Attitude of respect of acknowledgment of the human beings, will benefit the contribution to the atmosphere of peace. Such as: personal hygiene, wiping noses, covering coughs, sneezes, yawns, body movement, language etc.
Insist that grace and courtesy is a human responsibility.
greeting someone
introducing oneself
shaking hands
receiving visitors
apologizing/excusing oneself
watching and observing others
waiting
taking turns
interrupting/asking for help
using a quiet voice
speaking in a polite tone
saying please and thank you
blowing one’s nose
coughing and sneezing
washing one’s hands
inviting and refusing a partner or playmate
respecting others and their space
walking around people and objects
sitting on and putting away a chair
walking in line
offering food
caring for works, books, and the environment
rolling a rug
carrying work or objects
being silent
being kind
making friends
taking out all trash on trash day
dishes
Sanitize all technology (tv remotes, phone, iPad, laptop, x box, PlayStation)
sweep floors
Clean inside of car (from a busy week)
Here are more options for Grace and courtesy…….
Mealtime (how to eat over our plate and how to scoot your chair close to the table)
how to have an inside voice
how to walk inside the house
how to load or unload the dishwasher
how to make your bed
how to welcome/greet somebody into the house
how to see if the bathroom is available to use
how to serve one’s own snack
how to take care of family animal
Interfering with each other’s work.
Leaving someone out.
Using unkind words.
Failing to take turns.
Having difficulty with conversation conventions
With another individual
Within a group
Sitting in a chair inappropriately
Handling materials incorrectly
Leaving work out/in inconvenient places for the group
Moving inappropriately in the classroom
Using their voices with inappropriate volume
Having difficulty lining up
Unable to join a group successfully
Unable to receive a presentation
Using poor hygiene – Hand washing, sneezes/coughs/nose blowing
Exiting/entering the classroom/building
Unable to take “snack” appropriately
Behaving inappropriately with “special/s”
Not understanding conventions inside/outside classroom.